Between extracurriculars, school events, homework, social obligations, and more, today’s families are busier than ever, and we know it can be a struggle to keep up. While extracurriculars offer so much value, overscheduling can leave everyone feeling drained.
If you and your family are feeling that strain, we’re here to offer advice on bringing balance back into your lives.
The hidden costs of overscheduling
If it feels like your family is caught in an endless loop of commitments, listen to your gut. The long-term effects of overscheduling can negatively affect mental health, family connection, and academic performance.
Constant activity affects kids’ long-term ability to manage their free time, leaving little room for self-reflection or the ability to develop a sense of independence. While extracurriculars certainly bring positive benefits, participating in too many begins to have an adverse effect.
Signs your family might be overscheduled
Being able to recognize whether or not you’re stretched too thin is the first step. Take a moment to reflect on your family’s lifestyle and schedule. Then, answer the following questions:
1. Does your family feel more stressed than excited about their activities?
If your kids are feeling more stressed than excited, that’s a clear indicator that your family’s schedule might be too full. Extracurricular activities are meant to enhance well-being and offer your kids an outlet to explore their passions. If your schedule feels more draining than beneficial, it’s time to reconsider what’s truly essential and what can be cut.
2. Is your family’s sleep schedule suffering?
If bedtime feels like the only time your family gets to unwind, that’s a sign your days are jam packed. Lacking a consistent sleep schedule puts kids at greater risk for cognitive and behavioral issues, including trouble focusing, moodiness, and slower emotional regulation.
According to the Mayo Clinic, kids ages 6-12 should be logging 9-12 hours of sleep per night, teens ages 13-18 should be getting 8-10 hours per night, and adults should be sleeping 7 hours or more per night. Your family’s schedule should allow for plenty of sleep, and here’s a hard truth: if your kids are up too late scrolling, it’s time to set some stricter phone boundaries.
3. Are meals often rushed or skipped to get to the next activity?
If you find that your family often skips meals or eats on the go, you may be booked for too many activities. Prioritizing nutrition is a huge component to healthy living. It has both mental and behavioral benefits like better academic performance, higher self-esteem, enhanced ability to cope with stress, more regular emotions, and a decreased chance of anxiety and depression.
We know it might not be realistic to have every meal sitting at the table together, but make a commitment to come together at least once a week to share a meal, check in, and reconnect.
4. Does your family struggle to find time to relax together?
If your schedule doesn’t allow for downtime, you might feel disconnected from your family. Trust us, downtime isn’t wasted time! Without unstructured moments to connect, your family could be missing out on meaningful interactions, memories, and more. It’s a chance for your family to bond—an opportunity for your kids to unwind, foster creativity, and do some self-discovery.
We’re huge proponents of downtime because some of the most incredible STEM innovations have come from “idle” moments when creators let their minds wander. Scheduling unscheduled time is an awesome way to reap the benefits and rest and relaxation.
5. Are your kids still interested in their activities?
If your family is experiencing burnout, there’s likely just too much going on. Make sure you’re checking in with your kids. The sudden disinterest in an activity your kids once enjoyed can be a sign of burnout. If they start “forgetting” things they need for the activity, begin stalling or running late for it, or simply begin asking if they can skip it, it may be something they’ve come to dread.
Have a conversation with them about what’s going on—is it the activity itself, the other kids involved, or something else? Again, extracurriculars should tap into your kids’ passions and provide them with a healthy challenge, not become something they trudge through.
Creating a balanced activity portfolio
Finding the sweet spot between structured activities and downtime isn’t about cutting everything, it’s about creating a schedule that allows your family to thrive without being overwhelmed. That sweet spot won’t look the same for everybody, but one method to creating balance is breaking down your family’s week and asking these questions:
- Is downtime proportionate to scheduled activities?
- Are the extracurriculars enriching and/or do they help your kids explore their passions?
- Are you saying “yes” too often, and does that come at the expense of family time?
If you find that your family’s activities are less about promoting happiness and more about filling the calendar, then it’s time to reevaluate and recalibrate.
Managing FOMO (Fear of Missing Out)
Don’t get us wrong, we know FOMO is real! It can drive us to say “yes” even when we know it’s time for a break. Keep this in mind: when everything becomes a priority, nothing is. Successfully managing FOMO means understanding that it’s okay to pass on activities that do not enrich your family’s schedule.
If your family receives an invitation and you can already envision going just to go instead of truly being present, that’s a sign that it’s time to say no.
If you’re struggling to kick the feeling of FOMO, try these strategies:
- Encourage your kids to pick one or two activities they are genuinely passionate about
- Set clear limits on how many commitments each family member can take on
- Remind yourself and your family that sometimes less is more
Keep in mind that there is power in saying no, and it’s a great example to set for your kids! It will show them that it’s okay to prioritize their time and energy. You never know, your kids might come home one day and tell you they turned down a sleepover invite so they could get a good night’s rest before their big game! On the day that happens, cheer on their choice with some positive reinforcement.
Seasonal reset: using natural transitions to reassess
The changing of seasons offers the perfect opportunity for you and your family to reset. Let the seasons guide you with this cycle:
Winter: Reflect on the past year’s activities to determine what worked well, what can be tweaked, and what intentions you have for the new year.
Spring: Use that new energy to do a quick assessment and introduce new or more enriching experiences that foster growth and exploration.
Summer: Take advantage of the season’s more relaxed pace to explore new hobbies and balance downtime with preparations for the upcoming school year.
Fall: Transition into the school year with another reassessment of schedules to support academic progress, new extracurricular goals, and plenty of family time.
Side note: if seasonally seems like too long between reassessments, create your own check ins! Monthly resets are also a great way to make sure your family is feeling good. Maybe your kids have an empty month and want to go out for the school play, schedule an extra private lesson or two, or leave the month open to see where it takes them. It’s all about finding what schedule works best for your family.
Make technology work for you, not against you
Technology can be a helpful tool for managing schedules, but it shouldn’t be a distraction from family time (if you don’t have one already, it’s time to enact a “no phones at meals” rule). When it comes to scheduling, digital calendars and apps can help streamline planning and communication.
It’s also a great way to empower your kids to take control over their own schedule, which will inherently teach them the essential life skill of time management.
Hold regular family meetings
Having a designated time each week to discuss schedules is a great way to set expectations and eliminate stress for the whole family. We recommend a check-in over Sunday dinner to ensure everyone is on the same page for the week. Here’s what to do:
- Set a regular time to meet so it becomes a habit.
- Start with a “temperature check” icebreaker to gauge how everyone is feeling. Our favorite? High, Low, Buffalo: everyone says their “high”—best thing from the week, their “low”—something they didn’t enjoy that week, and their “buffalo”—something completely random that they want to share.
- Discuss activities and commitments for the upcoming week to make sure everyone knows what to expect, double-check that transportation is available, etc.
- Encourage open communication about stress levels and offer support where needed.
When to seek professional help
Kids are facing more than ever, which means being a parent is a greater challenge (and gift!) than ever. If you notice your kids becoming overstressed and overwhelmed and you’re not sure what to do, know that it is always okay to seek outside help.
A counselor or therapist can help your family navigate challenges and offer strategies to manage stress and find a healthier balance. There is absolutely no shame in asking for support—a happy and healthy family is always the ultimate goal.
Recognizing success
It’s important to celebrate the wins as they come. Big or small, recognition means a lot to kids. Whether it’s conquering a soccer season, overcoming stage fright, saying no to FOMO, or finishing a coding project, take the time to pause and celebrate with your kids. Even the smallest of gestures will help them build self-esteem and the confidence to continue pushing themselves to try new things.
TL;DR (Too Long Didn’t Read)
It’s a fast-paced world out there, which means it’s easy for families to fall into the trap of overscheduling. This can lead to stress, burnout, and negative effects on mental and physical health. By recognizing the signs of overscheduling (constantly running from one activity to the next, feeling overwhelmed, disrupted sleep, lack of family downtime), you can find a healthier balance that supports personal growth and family connection.
Strategies like managing FOMO and holding regular family check ins are a meaningful way to ensure your kids are set up for success. And remember, success isn’t about being busy—it’s about creating balance for both quality family time and enriching activities.