Social media has become a central part of modern life, offering more opportunities for connection, creativity, and education than ever. And while there are so many positives to social media, there is also a downside. Curated content fuels unhealthy comparisons, negatively impacting self-esteem and mental health.
As a parent, you play a vital role in helping your kids navigate the pressures of social media. iD Tech has been at the forefront of tech trends for over 25 years, but we’re also a company founded by parents. We know it can be difficult to find the proper balance with social media, so we’re here to guide you through this ever-evolving landscape.
1. Understand the comparison trap warning signs
As we discover more and more about the effects of social media, research shows that social comparison plays a huge factor in how we use every platform. Humans are social creatures, so the tendency to be curious and compare ourselves to others is a normal response since it helps us process what we see. However, when that processing turns into judgment or looking at others as better than ourselves, comparison begins to have negative effects.
Not sure how to tell if your kids are getting caught in the comparison trap? Some of the first signs are emotional or behavioral changes, such as withdrawing from friends, expressing feelings of inadequacy, or becoming overly influenced by “likes,” “follows,” or “views.” Signs can also appear in changes in habits, like preferring screens over outdoor or extracurricular activities.
2. Talk about “the highlight reel”
Social media thrives on curation because people tend to post the happiest, best, most polished moments of their lives, instead of the full picture of struggles and imperfections. As an adult, it can be easy to get caught up in that comparison, so as you can imagine, it’s even tougher for kids. Curation creates a skewed perspective, leading kids to believe others have “perfect” lives. It’s important to help your kids understand that what they see isn’t the full picture.
Depending on how old your kids are, you can approach this conversation in different ways. For kids ages 7-10, use metaphors like comparing social media to a movie trailer that is made to show only the exciting parts. For kids ages 11-13, you can provide a visual by showing them before-and-after photos edited with filters. And for teens ages 14-18, you can get even more technical by discussing the editing, filtering, and selective sharing behind posts to foster a critical-thinking mindset for using and consuming social media content.
Once your kids understand what the highlight reel is, they’ll likely need reminders about it every once in a while. If you notice any behavioral changes after they’ve been on their screens, it’s time for an emotional check in. Here are some questions to guide that conversation:
- Think back to our chat about “the highlight reel”...why do you think people post the best parts of their lives and not the whole picture?
- What’s something you love about yourself that has nothing to do with what you see online?
- Who do you follow online that inspires you in a positive way and why?
- If you ever feel bad about something you see online, will you feel comfortable talking to me about it? Why or why not?
- How can I support you better when it comes to social media or things you see online?
3. Foster a healthy self-image
A child’s self-worth should be grounded in their own values, self-esteem, and accomplishments—it should not solely rely on external validation. Social media comparisons often undermine this foundation, especially in children who tend to be more self-conscious and peer focused.
To shift self-worth offline, help your kids celebrate their achievements with small gestures like a sweet treat for conquering a tough line of code or a comic book they’ve been eyeing for mastering a goal they’ve been working toward. Affirming your kids’ strengths helps them shift their focus from comparison to self-improvement.
4. Model positive online behavior
Kids often mimic their parents’ behaviors. If they see you overly fixated on social media, then they are likely to adopt similar behaviors. This is a time to be real with yourself—could you improve your own social media habits to be a better model for your kids? Do you put too much emphasis on posting perfect pictures? Do you take dozens of photos of yourself or your kids to curate your life for social media?
If you answered yes to any of those, it’s time to step back. And during that process, make it a learning experience for your kids. Talk to them about your own experiences with social media to normalize the idea that it’s okay to feel pressure—the important thing is to recognize it and pull yourself out of the spiral.
5. Set boundaries together
One of the biggest issues with social media comes from a lack of boundaries. The CDC reports that kids spend an average of 6-7.5 hours on screens per day, while the recommended time limit for kids ages 7-18 is less than two hours per day (with the exception of homework). More and more studies are showing links between excessive screen time and negative effects including depression, anxiety, lack of sleep, obesity, decline in academic performance, impatience in real world interactions, and the expectation of instant gratification. It’s important to set limits and emphasize healthy habits to combat these negative effects. Children of all ages benefit from clear guidelines on when, where, and how much screen time is allowed.
If you read those time recommendations and realized your kids are way over the limit, that’s okay! It’s not too late to make changes. Think of it like something your family is practicing to be better at. Start by establishing some “no phone zones.” Make dinner time a screen-free zone for the whole family or hold a weekly family movie night with no phones allowed. You can even introduce some “analog” activities from our childhood, like puzzles, building forts, or heading to the skate rink. At night, consider having your kids leave their phones, tablets, and gaming devices completely out of their rooms to ensure a good night’s sleep. (And when they say, “How am I going to wake up for school without my phone!?” it’s time to blow their minds by showing them an old school alarm clock.)
It’s okay to start small with an hour a day and work up to a bigger goal, like a weekend day where phones never come out at all. To help you get there, we recommend apps like Screen Time (iOS) and Google Family Link to help manage your family’s screen time. Offline routines, here we come!
6. Teach digital literacy and critical thinking
Kids are such quick learners when it comes to technology. You can probably think of several times when you were struggling to figure something out, and your kids were able to click a few buttons and fix it for you. But technology is moving even faster than they are. Think about it: since its inception, the iPhone has introduced 16 generations, but humans have only had three new generations. While kids’ tech-savvy is off the charts, their maturity and critical thinking to address the constant influx of content is going to need some guidance. Here’s how to start:
- Ask relatable questions: “When you see something that makes you upset or angry, do you think about fact checking it before spiraling” “If no, why not? If yes, how do you go about fact checking?”
- Explain the algorithm: Tell them that “liking” things shapes what they see and the algorithm adjusts to interests because it wants people on the app longer—like when Netflix suggests a show because you’ve watched something similar.
- Make it hands-on: Sometimes it’s hard for kids to believe without seeing, so take them through how Facetune and Photoshop work to help them understand how easy it is for the people they follow to alter reality.
7. Encourage real-world connections
From chatting with friends or family in different countries to taking private lessons from an instructor in a different state, one of the most beautiful things about the internet is that it connects people globally. However, that also means there is no limit to how many people your kids can compare themselves to.
Strong offline relationships can mitigate the impact of the social media comparison trap. Encourage your kids to participate in screen-free activities. These can be extracurricular activities, play dates, or classic games that are fun for the whole family, like kick the can, capture the flag, and kickball. After they’ve spent some time in those real-world activities, check in with your kids with questions like, “How do you feel this break from technology has affected your mental health?”
8. Build emotional resilience
On social media and IRL, pressure is unavoidable. Building emotional resilience helps kids process emotions constructively and maintain self-confidence, even through challenging situations. In a social media-driven world where we all face unrealistic standards, it’s a vital skill to have. Here are a few ways you can help your kids build emotional resilience:
- Help them identify emotions by expressing your own, labeling feelings, and talking about them openly. Show them it’s okay to have a bad day and provide them the space to sit with it, process it, regroup, and bounce back by taking some of the pressure off.
- Teach your kids to challenge their inner critic by replacing negative thoughts with constructive ones. Practice positive affirmations with them like, “I deserve to be happy, healthy, and successful” or “I am greater than my worst day.” You can also help them replace social media with the Calm app for resources or a Kindle for reading.
- Normalize failure by showing kids that mistakes are a part of growth (we might be biased, but STEM is one of the most fun ways to normalize failing by trying, failing, and trying again!).
- Focus on effort over outcome with encouraging statements like, “You’re awesome because you never give up, even when you’re frustrated or facing something difficult.”
- Build a support system by encouraging your kids to spend time with the people who uplift them and make them feel better about themselves. (And encourage them to say no to the “energy vampires,” both on and offline.)
9. Cultivate gratitude and mindfulness
They say comparison is the thief of joy, so practicing gratitude and mindfulness is the perfect way to redirect attention from what’s missing to what’s present—counteracting comparison culture. Gratitude can boost mental wellbeing, support physical health, enhance relationships, and boost self-esteem. Make gratitude a daily habit with some of these activities:
- Gratitude countdown: In the style of a gameshow lightning round, list ten things you’re grateful for as fast as you can. This is a playful way to keep things positive or encourage a mood shift if your family is in a rut.
- Gratitude journal: If you have younger kids, guide them through writing down three things they're thankful for each day. For older kids, this might be more of a private activity, but providing them with the tools (like a physical journal) is key.
- Gratitude jar: Set up a spot where your family can drop slips of paper into a jar. At the end of each week or month, take 10 minutes to read the pieces of gratitude out loud together and discover the joy each person has been finding in their lives.
10. Know when to seek help
Sometimes the effects of social media go beyond what we as parents are equipped to deal with—and that’s okay. If your kids are experiencing persistent anxiety, depression, or withdrawal, it might be time to seek the help of a professional. If you’re not sure where to start, reach out to school counselors who will be able to provide resources with in-school support or direct you toward therapists who are trained to help kids with digital-age challenges.
TL;DR
Social media can be a great way for kids to connect and get creative, but it can also trap kids in comparison culture that negatively impacts their self-esteem and overall mental health. To help your kids thrive in the digital world, start by talking about how social media is just a “highlight reel” and not real life. Set boundaries around screen time and show them how to engage with social media in a healthy way by modeling positive habits. Encourage gratitude, real-world activities, and strong offline relationships to promote balance. Teach them to think critically about what they see online and remind them that it’s okay to make mistakes because our worst mistakes don't define us—how we face them does. Remember, if you’re concerned about your kids’ mental health, do not hesitate to reach out for professional support. There is absolutely no shame in asking for help! A happy and healthy family is always the ultimate goal.
Resources to learn more:
Understanding Social Comparison on Social Media
Kids’ screen time: How much is too much?
Screen Time Recommendations By Age Chart
8 gratitude exercises to cultivate a more grateful mindset